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This page discusses sexual violence, sexual assault, coercion and consent in non-graphic terms.
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Sexual Violence: Consent, Coercion & Survivor Safety
Sexual violence is never the victim's responsibilitySexual violence is any sexual behaviour or activity that happens without free and voluntary consent.
It can occur within dating relationships, marriages, families, friendships, workplaces, institutions or encounters between people who know each other or do not.
It can happen once or form part of an ongoing pattern of abuse, coercion, intimidation or control.
Responsibility always belongs with the person who chose to violate another person's sexual autonomy.
Sexual violence is about more than physical force
Sexual violence does not always involve physical restraint, visible injury or an overt threat.
It can involve pressure, intimidation, manipulation, exploitation, coercion, misuse of authority or taking advantage of a person's vulnerability or inability to freely consent.
A person does not have to physically resist for an experience to constitute sexual violence.
Fear can silence someone.
Shock can immobilise them.
Pressure can wear down resistance.
A person may comply because they believe resisting will make the situation more dangerous.
None of these responses are consent.
What sexual violence may include
Sexual assault
Any sexual activity that occurs without free and voluntary consent.
Sexual coercion
Pressure, manipulation, intimidation, threats or persistent behaviour used to obtain sexual activity when someone does not freely want to participate.
Intimate partner sexual violence
Sexual violence can occur within dating relationships, long-term relationships and marriages.
Being in a relationship does not create permanent consent.
Consent is still required every time.
Unwanted sexual touching
Sexual touching without consent can be a form of sexual violence even when penetration does not occur.
Sexual activity involving incapacity
A person must have the capacity to make and communicate a free choice.
Someone who is unconscious, significantly incapacitated or otherwise unable to make that choice cannot provide meaningful consent.
Technology-facilitated sexual abuse
Technology may be used to sexually abuse, threaten, humiliate or control someone, including through unwanted sexual communications or the non-consensual creation, sharing or threatened sharing of intimate material.
Sexual exploitation
Power, dependency, vulnerability, status, money, housing, employment, immigration circumstances or access to services can sometimes be exploited to obtain sexual access or compliance.
Consent must be freely given
Consent is not simply the absence of the word "no."
It is a voluntary agreement made without fear, coercion, manipulation or pressure.
Consent should be specific and ongoing.
A person can agree to one activity and not another.
They can agree initially and later change their mind.
They can have consented previously and not consent now.
Being married, dating, living together or having had sex before does not remove the need for consent.
Consent is not
Silence
Silence should not automatically be interpreted as agreement, particularly where someone is frightened, shocked, frozen or uncertain.
Giving in after repeated pressure
Persistence is not a substitute for consent.
Someone eventually saying yes after being repeatedly pressured does not necessarily mean they made a free choice.
Fear-based compliance
A person may cooperate because they fear what could happen if they refuse.
Compliance for safety is different from freely wanting sexual activity.
Consent obtained through threats
Threatening someone's safety, children, employment, housing, reputation, finances, immigration status, relationships or privacy can undermine genuine choice.
Previous consent
Consent in the past does not create consent in the future.
A relationship
Marriage, dating or an intimate relationship does not entitle one person to sexual access to another.
Sexual coercion can make "choice" disappear
Sexual coercion may not always sound like an obvious threat.
It can involve repeated pressure, guilt, manipulation, emotional punishment, intimidation or creating consequences for refusing sexual activity.
Someone might be made to feel that saying no will result in anger, humiliation, withdrawal of affection, accusations of infidelity, financial consequences or other retaliation.
Over time, a person may learn that refusing does not feel safe.
When fear or consequences shape the decision, the presence of apparent agreement does not necessarily mean the choice was freely made.
Sexual violence can happen within relationships and marriages
One of the persistent myths surrounding sexual violence is that it is primarily committed by strangers.
Sexual violence can also be perpetrated by partners, former partners, dates, acquaintances, friends, relatives, colleagues and people in positions of trust or authority.
A person may love someone and still be sexually violated by them.
They may remain in the relationship afterwards.
They may continue speaking to the person.
They may have consensual sexual contact with them at another time.
None of these things automatically erase what happened.
Relationships are complex. Trauma is complex. Safety decisions are complex.
There is no single "correct" response to sexual violence
Popular ideas about sexual assault often assume that a victim will immediately fight, escape, report what happened and remember every detail clearly.
Human responses to threat are far more complicated.
People may fight, flee, freeze, comply, dissociate, become numb or focus on keeping the situation from escalating.
These responses can happen automatically.
They are survival responses, not evidence that someone consented.
After sexual violence
A person may appear calm
Someone may seem composed, continue working, attend school, socialise or carry on with everyday responsibilities.
External appearance does not tell us what they are experiencing internally.
A person may feel confused
They may struggle to understand what happened, particularly when the person responsible was someone they trusted, loved or depended on.
Memory may feel fragmented
Stress and trauma can affect how experiences are processed and recalled.
Not remembering every detail in perfect chronological order does not automatically mean an account is untrue.
Feelings may change over time
A person may experience fear, anger, shame, numbness, grief, disbelief, guilt or no obvious emotional reaction.
There is no required emotional response.
They may continue contact with the person
Contact may continue for many reasons, including children, housing, financial dependency, employment, family relationships, fear, emotional attachment or safety considerations.
Continued contact should not automatically be interpreted as evidence that violence did not occur.
Disclosure may happen immediately, years later or never
There is no timetable for telling someone about sexual violence.
A person may delay disclosure because they are afraid they will not be believed.
They may fear retaliation, judgement, family disruption, losing a relationship, involvement with authorities or being blamed for what happened.
Some people may not initially have language for their experience.
Others may minimise what happened as a way of coping.
A delayed disclosure does not make the experience less serious.
How we respond can matter
When someone discloses sexual violence, they may be paying close attention to whether they are believed, blamed or pressured.
A supportive response does not require investigating what happened.
It begins with listening.
Helpful responses may include:
- I believe you.
- I'm sorry this happened to you.
- You didn't deserve what happened.
- Thank you for telling me.
- What would feel helpful right now?
- You can decide what you want to do next.
Avoid interrogating the person, demanding details or immediately telling them what they "must" do.
Support should strengthen their choices rather than take control away from them again.
Move the scrutiny back to the behaviour
Questions about the victim often distract from the behaviour of the person responsible.
What someone wore does not cause sexual violence.
Drinking alcohol does not cause another person to violate consent.
Going home with someone is not blanket consent.
Flirting is not consent.
Previous sexual activity is not consent.
Being in a relationship is not consent.
Not fighting back is not consent.
Delayed reporting does not create responsibility.
The more useful question is not:
"Why didn't they stop it?"
It is:
"Why did the other person continue without freely given consent?"
Common myths
MYTH: Most sexual violence is committed by strangers
REALITY: Sexual violence can be committed by strangers, but it can also be committed by partners, dates, acquaintances, friends, family members and people in positions of trust.
MYTH: Someone would fight back if they really didn't want it
REALITY: Freezing, complying, dissociating or becoming immobilised can occur during threatening or traumatic situations.
Physical resistance is not required for an absence of consent.
MYTH: If they didn't report immediately, it probably wasn't serious
REALITY: People may delay disclosure or reporting for many reasons, including fear, trauma, shame, confusion, dependency and concern about not being believed.
MYTH: Sexual assault cannot happen in a marriage or relationship
REALITY: Relationships do not create automatic sexual consent.
Every person retains bodily and sexual autonomy.
MYTH: Alcohol makes victims responsible
REALITY: Responsibility rests with the person who chooses to engage in sexual activity without consent.
MYTH: If someone returned to the relationship, the assault could not have happened
REALITY: People may remain with or return to someone who has harmed them for emotional, financial, family, safety or practical reasons.
Their later decisions do not retrospectively create consent.
Sexual violence may be part of a wider pattern of control
Sexual violence does not always occur in isolation.
Within domestic and family violence, it may occur alongside:
- coercive control
- physical violence
- stalking
- reproductive coercion
- financial abuse
- technological abuse
- threats and intimidation
- emotional and psychological abuse
- isolation from friends and family
Looking at the broader pattern can reveal risks that may be missed when incidents are considered separately.
Power matters
Consent cannot be understood without considering power.
Age, authority, dependency, disability, financial control, housing, employment, immigration circumstances, institutional authority or other inequalities may affect whether someone genuinely feels able to refuse.
A survivor-centred understanding asks not only whether a person appeared to agree, but whether they were actually free to choose.
Survivors should have choices
Some survivors report sexual violence to police.
Some seek medical, counselling, advocacy or specialist support without making a police report.
Some tell family or friends.
Some speak about what happened years later.
Some never formally disclose.
There is no single pathway that determines whether someone's experience is valid.
Where possible, survivors should receive clear information about available options and be supported to make decisions about what happens next.
Support should restore choice, dignity and control
Sexual violence takes away autonomy.
Responses should avoid repeating that loss of control.
A survivor-centred approach:
- listens without judgement
- believes without demanding proof from the survivor
- avoids victim-blaming
- respects privacy and confidentiality within appropriate limits
- explains options rather than issuing commands
- recognises that trauma can affect behaviour and memory
- avoids unnecessary retelling
- respects the survivor's pace
- considers culture, disability, sexuality, gender, age and other circumstances
- keeps responsibility focused on the person who chose to use violence
Language matters
Instead of asking
Why didn't you fight back?
Why did you go with them?
Why were you drinking?
Why did you wait so long to tell someone?
Why did you stay with them?
Why did you see them again?
Consider asking
Are you safe now?
What do you need?
Would you like me to help you find support?
Is there someone you trust who you would like with you?
What would help you feel more in control of what happens next?
Survival is not consent
Freezing is not consent.
Compliance caused by fear is not consent.
Giving in after pressure is not consent.
Silence is not automatically consent.
A relationship is not permanent consent.
Previous sexual activity is not consent.
The responsibility for sexual violence belongs to the person who chose to proceed without free and voluntary consent.
Continue learning
Click on the title to access
Consent
Understand freely given, ongoing consent, pressure, coercion and capacity.
Coercive Control
Learn how patterns of intimidation, restriction and control can remove a person's freedom.
Language Matters
Learn how the language we use can reinforce victim-blaming or keep responsibility where it belongs.
Domestic & Family Violence
Explore how sexual violence can occur alongside other forms of abuse and control.
You do not have to decide everything today
If you have experienced sexual violence, you deserve to be treated with dignity, believed and given choices about what happens next.