Violence, Consent & Safety Resources for Parents and Carers

Safety conversations should change as children grow.

For younger children, this might mean teaching correct names for body parts, recognising private parts of the body, understanding personal boundaries and knowing that they can tell a trusted adult if something makes them uncomfortable.

As children grow, conversations can include friendships, peer pressure, consent, respectful relationships, sexual behaviour, grooming, online communication, image sharing and recognising controlling or manipulative behaviour.

You do not need to have the perfect words.

What matters is creating a relationship in which questions are welcome, discomfort can be talked about and children know they will not automatically be blamed or punished for telling you something difficult.

A child may not say, "Someone is abusing me."

They may not have the words to explain what happened. They may not understand that the behaviour was abusive. They may have been threatened, manipulated or made to believe they were responsible.

Sometimes distress appears through behaviour.

A parent or carer may notice changes in mood, sleep, behaviour, school participation, relationships, anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, fear around particular people or places, or other behaviour that seems unusual for that child.

A behavioural change does not automatically mean abuse has occurred.

But significant or unexplained changes deserve curiosity rather than judgement.

Instead of beginning with:

"What is wrong with you?"

try:

"I've noticed you don't seem yourself lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

How an adult responds to a disclosure can matter enormously.

You may feel shock, anger, disbelief, fear or an immediate urge to take action.

As difficult as it may be, try to keep your response focused on the child.

Give them your attention.

Stay as calm as you can.

Let them speak in their own words and at their own pace.

You can reassure them:

"Thank you for telling me."

"I believe you."

"You have done nothing wrong."

"This is not your fault."

"I'm going to help you."

Do not blame them for what happened, for not telling earlier, for continuing contact with the person involved, or for anything they may have done before or after the abuse.

Children can be manipulated into feeling that they participated in their own abuse.

Responsibility remains with the person who harmed them.

It is understandable to want answers immediately.

But repeatedly questioning a child or asking them to give detailed explanations can be overwhelming and may interfere with professional investigation.

Allow the child to use their own words.

Avoid leading questions that suggest what you think happened.

You do not need to establish every fact before seeking advice.

If you believe a child may be unsafe, contact the appropriate child protection authority, police or specialist service for guidance about what should happen next.

Do not confront the person alleged to have caused the harm if doing so could place the child, another person or you at greater risk.

A child may ask you not to tell anyone.

Avoid promising complete secrecy if you may need to involve another adult, child protection, police or another service to help keep them safe.

Instead, you might explain:

"I won't tell people who don't need to know, but I may need to talk to someone whose job is to help keep you safe."

Where possible, tell the child what is going to happen next.

Uncertainty can be frightening, particularly when a child has already experienced a loss of control.

Call Triple Zero (000).

Child protection and mandatory reporting requirements differ between Australian states and territories.

Some professionals have specific mandatory reporting obligations, and other legal reporting requirements may also apply depending on the jurisdiction and circumstances.

You do not need to investigate suspected abuse yourself before asking for professional advice.

If you are unsure what to do, contact the child protection authority in your state or territory, police, or a specialist child protection or sexual abuse service.

Disclosure may be only the beginning.

A child might talk more later, remember additional details, become distressed after telling someone, or decide they do not want to talk about it again for a while.

Try not to pressure them.

Continue routines where possible, maintain connection and let them know that they can return to the conversation when they need to.

They may also benefit from specialised therapeutic support from someone experienced in working with children and trauma.

Parents and carers can need support too.

Learning that a child has experienced violence or abuse can bring anger, grief, guilt and distress. Seek support for yourself from another appropriate adult or professional rather than expecting the child to manage your emotional response.

One of the hardest situations for a parent or carer can be hearing an allegation involving someone they know, trust or love.

It may be a partner, relative, friend, another young person, professional or respected member of the community.

Shock and disbelief are understandable reactions.

But the child's immediate need is to be heard and protected.

Do not require a child to prove what happened before you take their concerns seriously.

Do not pressure them to withdraw what they have said because of the possible consequences for the person they have named, the family or the wider community.

Those consequences are not the child's responsibility.

Not all harmful sexual behaviour or violence involving children involves an adult perpetrator.

If another child or young person has harmed your child, both safety and appropriate professional assessment matter.

Avoid dismissing behaviour simply as curiosity, experimentation, bullying or "kids being kids" when coercion, significant age or developmental differences, threats, force, fear or lack of consent may be involved.

Children displaying harmful behaviour may themselves need specialised support and intervention.

Accountability and support can exist together.

The priority remains preventing further harm and making sure the affected child is safe and supported.

Teaching children about safety is important.

But no child should ever be left believing that abuse occurred because they failed to recognise a warning sign, say no loudly enough, leave a situation or tell someone sooner.

Children can freeze.

They can comply because they are frightened.

They can be groomed.

They can trust someone who deliberately exploits that trust.

They can love or depend on the person harming them.

They can be confused about what happened.

Prevention requires adults, organisations and communities to create environments where concerning behaviour is noticed, boundaries are respected, complaints are taken seriously and people who cause harm are held accountable.

Children deserve safety. They should never be expected to create it alone.

We cannot prepare children for every situation they may encounter.

What we can do is make sure they know:

Their body deserves respect.

Their boundaries matter.

They are allowed to ask questions.

Adults can be wrong.

They will not be blamed for asking for help.

They can tell someone even if they participated, broke a rule or waited a long time.

And if the first person does not listen, they can tell someone else.

The most powerful safety message may simply be:

"Whatever happens, you can come to me."